


The Screwed Pooch

by QueenAlicorn



Category: Beetle Bailey - Fandom
Genre: Fighting, M/M, Parody, Romantic Interest, courting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 07:26:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16403939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenAlicorn/pseuds/QueenAlicorn
Summary: This is a parody of the Beetle Bailey episode “Little Pooch Lost”. Zero and Beetle set out to find Sarge’s beloved dog Otto. Though Zero thinks that he can seduce Beetle into something else. But maybe Zero has to do something drastic in order to get what he wants.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There is a good chance that I will write parody stories for all of the Beetle Bailey stories, but so far this is my only one.

Disclaimer: I do not own Beetle Bailey or it's characters.

Note: this was originally planned as a one-shot, but afterwards I had to split it into two chapters.

Chapter 1,

[Reveille plays]

**He's the military hero of the nation,**

**Though he doesn't always follow regulation,**

**At the sound of Reveille,**

**He is here for you to see,**

**And we know you'll laugh and cry with Private Beetle Bailey,**

**Beetle Bailey,**

**As the General, Colonel, Major and the Captain,**

**The Lieutenant, and the Sergeant and the Corporal,**

**They will tell you with a shout,**

**They would gladly live without,**

**A certain Private by the name of Beetle Bailey,**

**Beetle Bailey!**

Beetle and Zero were in their barracks because Sarge had put them on the clean up detail instead of KP once again. Zero was vacuuming the floor as he happily watched Beetle laying in bed. Beetle was reading some trashy comics, which gave him a bit of an erection. He hasn't been able to see Bunny for about a month now, and he was starting to feel the pent up frustration.

"Oh, she is so hot." Beetle whispered and Zero twisted his mouth, annoyed.

Part of Zero was anticipating having more fun in the army. That is what the recruitment officer said anyways. And his friends told him that staying in the army would be a good opportunity to experiment sexually. Though Zero wanted to play around, he didn't really have any real opportunities... so far.

"Hey Zero, you sleep next to Killer a lot, right?" Beetle suddenly asked and Zero nodded.

"Yeah, why?" He asked and Beetle shifted and adjusted his crotch.

"Well, he has the highest sex drive in all of A company, perhaps in the entire Camp Swampy. Have you ever seen him, touch himself?" Beetle asked and Zero laughed.

"Are you kidding, Beetle? Half of his bed is soaked in cum. He is pretty confident, which is why he can hit targets across the room." Zero commented and Beetle grimaced a little.

"Well, old buddy, you wouldn't mind if I just whacked off a bit, would you?" Beetle asked with a bit of a blush and Zero shrugged.

"Ah, Beetle, I'm too busy vacuuming to really notice you." Zero said as he focused on the floor. Beetle unzipped his pants and he started to stroke his erection.

Zero watched him out of the corner of his eye, and he noticed two things. One, Beetle's penis was only five inches, which was smaller then he was; but the second was that, watching Beetle pleasure himself was quite erotic. Focusing a lot of attention to his head, Beetle panted slightly as he read his little porn comic. Zero bit his lower lip as he heard the Sarge outside.

"Otto! Oh, Otto! Where are you?"

Honestly the added danger of getting caught aroused Zero even more, but Beetle didn't seem to hear him at all.

"Here, doggie, doggie. Oh where, oh where could you've gone?"

Zero actually saw the sarge pass by their window. But Zero had a clear view of Beetle's erection. If Zero really wanted to get a homosexual experience, then perhaps this could be his chance. Leaving the vacuum on behind him, Zero walked over to the edge of the bed so that he could suck Beetle.

"Oh, man. She is so hot." Beetle whispered seconds before Zero's tongue touched his penis.

Feeling embarrassed and a bit insulted, Zero silently pulled away. He picked up the vacuum again and deliberately sucked up Beetle's comic.

"Hey, what's a matter with you Zero? You some kind of a nut or something." Beetle asked, with a dangling erection outside of his pants. Zero was smiling because he was aware that he wasn't the smartest guy on camp, so every once in a while he can act stupid and no one would know the difference.

"Duh, don't you remember, Beetle? Sarge put us on the clean up detail, and told us to get rid of everything trashy." Zero said, and it was the truth, but Beetle was still upset; clearly.

"I know, I know. And this is the thanks I get, for letting you do all the work?" Beetle complained and Zero noticed how Beetle's dick was pressed against the stomach of his uniform.

"Geez, I'm sorry, Beet." Zero said, half-apologetic.

"Well, we've only got ten minutes to finish. So on the double!" Beetle shouted as he walked into the bathroom to work off some aggression.

"Phef. Yeah, yeah sure Beet. Maybe you should thank me for doing all the work." Zero muttered and he thought of Beetle stroking himself again.

"Maybe, if you really wanted to thank me then you would have put on a better show, or even let me have sex in your ass for the next... wait, uh to finish in ten minutes? I better put it on super-duper jet high." Zero said, turning the dial to that setting and the vacuum started to have a life of it's own.

"Whoa! Oh, uh, down boy, Whoa!" Zero said. The vacuum was a powerful that all 4 shots of Beetle's cum came flying out of the bathroom and into the vacuum. But as distracted as Zero was with the vacuum, he did not notice that Sarge was making his way back to the window.

"Otto, come out. Come out, where ever you are. Hey!" Sarge shouted and then the vacuum sucked him through the window and against the nozzle of the vacuum.

"Turn that blasted thing off!" Sarge ordered.

"Right away warden, uh sir." Zero respectfully said with a salute, and then he did as he was told.

By this point, Beetle had recovered from his orgasm and sweetly walked out of the bathroom, with his dick back inside his pants.

"What's up troopies?" Beetle said, back to his normal level of happiness.

"I'm taking you two off this clean up detail. That's what's up troopies." Sarge mocked Beetle with that last sentence.

"No fair, no fair. We're just catching onto this here detail. We're still entitled to eight minutes more, you know." Zero complained. Though he didn't like to do all the work, he could set up the foundation into seducing Beetle into relations.

"My dog Otto is missing. I want you to find him." Sarge said, ignoring Zero completely.

"Sarge! We'll find Otto; sure as my name is Beetle Bailey!" Beetle exclaimed, happy to jump at any chance for slacking off.

"You better, 'cause if you don't you're name is gonna be 'raped'. Now let's onto that one on the double, Aghhh!" Sarge growled, and Beetle and Zero started looking for Otto. Though oddly enough neither of them noticed that Otto was right beside them for most of their search.

"Do you see him, Zero?" Beetle asked and instead of a standard 'no', Zero thought that he may charm Beetle with a bit of good humor.

"Uh, no Beet. I can't see hide or hair of him." After a small pause, Zero assumed that Beetle didn't understand his joke.

"Uh, get it Beet?" Zero asked with a laugh and Beetle turned towards Zero.

"Otto's a dog, and I said 'hide or hair of him'." Then Zero giggled again.

"Is that funny or ain't it?" Zero finally asked, getting annoyed at the lack of response.

"Remind me to laugh sometime. Come on, we've got to find that Bitch." Beetle said and Otto turned towards the soldiers and decided to dish out a little revenge.

"Wow, Beetle, I thought Otto was a boy doggie." Zero said and Beetle sighed.

A few minutes later, in a bit of woods, Otto stood behind a log and started to bark.

"A dog!" Zero said, excitedly and Beetle noticed the log.

"Otto's in that log. We'll flank him." Beetle whispered feeling super smart.

"Yeah, like in a real army maneuver-er." Zero said, this time trying agreement to win Beetle over as they crawled into both ends of the log.

Outside the log, Otto barked again, and smiled at the trap he sent the boys into.

"I still hear him Beet, but it's too dark I'm here to see him." Zero admitted until he left a fluffy leg against his hands.

"I think I got him, Beet." Zero exclaimed and suddenly a spray of pure stink covered both soldiers. Then at the realization of what was in the log, the two soldiers ran away at top speed. Afterwards Otto's old skunk friend graced out of the log and the two shook hands on a job well done.

Zero and Beetle needed to change their uniforms. Though instead of cleaning the uniform to get rid of the smell, the two soldiers stripped to their undershirt and boxers and decided to burn the clothes in the furnace. Otto watched this scene with pride.

"As soon as we change these clothes, we'll have to go after that Bitch again." Beetle said and Otto glared at them. Apparently they hadn't learned their lesson.

So now, late in the evening the soldiers marched around. Most of the camp had gone to bed and were sleeping, but they still needed to find Otto.

"If you were a dog, Zero, and you's was lost, where do you think you would go?" Beetle asked and Zero thought this would be a good opportunity to show off his more creative side.

"Jeez, Beet. If I was a dog, I bet it would be fun. I could run, and jump, and play all day. Dig for bones, always having sex in the doggie style position, and-"

"Forget it, forget it, make believe I didn't say anything!" Beetle groaned out and Zero was disappointed. Plato was very creative and Killer was witty and both of them could get lots of pretty girls. Why wasn't these techniques working on Beetle.

From the Mess Hall, Cookie throws out the garbage from the evenings meal, and Beetle spotted a huge bone, which got him very excited.

"Hey, I got an idea. If this doesn't bring him, nothing will." Beetle picked up the bone and started banging it against the trash can. Part of this made Zero think of Beetle as an odd caveman, which was a bit erotic to him.

"Here doggie, doggie." Beetle shouted and Zero pretended that Beetle was actually asking other cave people for anal sex. Though it would be better if Beetle had added the words:

"Come and get it!" Zero said out loud before he could stop himself. He blushed, but didn't have to worry about Beetle's reaction because all the noise woke up Sarge. His light turned on and he rushed to the window.

"What are you trying to do, wake up the whole camp?" Sarge said, frustrated. He rushed out of his sleeping quarters and to the two reckless morons.

"Give me that toy!" Sarge said, taking the bone from Beetle. Only when the banging had stopped could one here the wave of hungry barks heading towards them. Sarge screamed, but he was still holding the bone when the dogs attacked. They bit, and tugged, and ripped open Sarge's skin until he passes out from the pain.

Zero was the one to jump into action, while Beetle shouted at Cookie to call an ambulance. Zero ripped the bone out of Sarge's hands and lured the dogs away from his superior.

When he couldn't outrun them anymore, Zero threw the bone away and climbed up the nearest tree.

"Whew!" Zero said, leaning back against the base of the tree while he caught his breath.

"Ruff, Rudd!" Zero heard a familiar dog bark and he looked up and saw Otto staring at him.

"Oh-ho, Otto. There you are doggie, doggie. Come here, Beetle and I were looking all over for you." Zero said and Otto growled hatefully.

"Whoa, Otto? Why are you so upset?" Zero asked and Otto glared at him.

"You think I'm a Bitch." Otto growled out and Zero blinked.

"Oh, Otto, I said no such thing." Zero said.

"Beetle." Otto growled and Zero nodded slightly.

"Well, he did call you that, but I wouldn't be too concerned with that, Otto. Beetle just wanted to find you so that you could go back to Sarge." Zero said and Otto stopped glaring but kept growling.

"I guess I need to say more things. Well, if you can keep a secret, then I'll tell you that I want to put my 7 and a half tall cock into his ass. I guess, for you, I can be rough with him. Is that better?" Zero asked and hearing this did make Otto stop growling and Zero smiled.

"Yay, now will you come down to me? We should take you to Sarge right away." Zero said, but Otto didn't move a muscle.

"Please come down with me, Otto. Sarge got really hurt and we sent him to the hospital." Zero said and Otto jumped into Zero's arms and whined.

"Hurry." He growled and Zero rushed back to Beetle.

"Hey-Hey, Zero you managed to find that stupid mutt." Beetle said and Otto growled at him.

"Hey Beet. Otto and I were talking and we think that you should apologize for all the names you called him today." Zero said and Beetle paused for a second.

"Zero, I think we have plenty of time to sort this out after we get to the hospital m. You missed the ambulance, but I don't think it will take that long to patch Sarge up." Beet said, and he was surprised when Zero simply held up Otto.

"But... he's the one, who... um..." Beetle muttered, only half sure why Zero was being so serious.

"Oh, fine, whatever. Otto... I am sorry for the things I called you earlier." Beetle said and Otto wagged his tail and licked Beetle's face.

"Ok, ok. Heh, let's go to the hospital now." Beetle said as he gently took Otto into his arms.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Beetle Bailey or it's characters.

Chapter 2,

The two privates walked to the hospital which was on the other side of Camp Swampy. They actually sat in the waiting room a few hours waiting for Sarge to be in well enough condition. But finally near the beginning of a new day, a beautiful red-headed nurse grabbed them and escorted them to Sarge's room.

"You may go in now." She said in a smooth, sexy voice that made Beetle shiver, and Zero jealous.

"Hello, Sarge. We brought you a little something Sargie." Beetle said and he carefully put Otto on top of Sarge who was happy to see him. Otto even licked Sarge's face, just as happy to see him.

"Do we get a reward for finding him, Sarge?" Zero asked, mostly because he put in all this work to seduce Beetle, and he still wasn't swayed by him.

"Reward? Why not." Sarge said with a smile and both boys leaned forward with anticipation.

"Back to the clean-up detail!" Sarge shouted as he held up the back. Beetle took it from Sarge with slight annoyance, but Zero decided to take the higher route.

"Gee, Thanks Sarge. The reward was that 8-minutes we were entitled to." Zero said as he picked up the power cord and plugged it in. But this was a mistake, because the vacuum was on a pretty high setting, and Beetle had the nozzle facing Otto. So the next thing anyone knew, poor Otto got sucked up the vacuum. Sarge growled at the two stupid privates and they ran away as fast as they could. Beetle knew that even in his condition, Sarge was sure to follow them.

"Run, run, faster Zero!" Beetle shouted and Zero was confused, as usual, by Beetle's fear.

"We just ran a one minute mile." Zero said almost calmly. But Sarge stalked them, pointing the vacuum at the soldiers, hoping that it would slow them down, suck them up, or both.

"You miserable saboteurs, ARGH! Nincompoops!" Sarge yelled, and the vacuum sucked up Zero's jacket and undershirt along with Beetle's jacket and undershirt. This sudden exposure really put the fear in Zero.

"Faster Beetle!" Zero shouted, but the vacuum sucked up both of their pants.

"Faster!" Zero shouted again, but they were still too slow and the vacuum sucked up their boxers.

"Yeah, and now for the 30 second mile." Beetle said offhandedly and they kept running. But shortly after Beetle said this, a strong nurse unplugged the vacuum and pulled Sarge back into his hospital bed.

"Now you listen to me. I don't care about the stripes on your jacket, Sarge. To me, you are simply a human with 206 bones and while you're here, you're going to stay here unless you're accompanied by a nurse; understand?" She said and Sarge huffed but nodded his head.

Meanwhile, the two dim witted Privates has no idea what had happened to Sarge, but Zero was brave enough to look behind him.

"Hey. Hey, Beetle." Zero said.

"Not now, keep running." Beetle said as they entered the woods.

"Be-etle! I don't see Sarge." Zero said, simply following Beetle instead of knowing where they were headed.

"Huh, you don't say." Beetle turned his head around, but then- BAM! Beetle crashed into a tree at 60-mph, and he could have shook that off except Zero crashed against Beetle at the same speed.

"Oh..." Beetle moaned and he started to fall, but Zero caught him.

"I got you Beet, are you ok?" He asked and he heard Beetle's heavy breathing.

"Oh, you're asleep against the tree and me. It's a good thing no one is around to see the two of us naked, huh...? Hm..." Zero paused as the wheels turned in his head. He has been seducing Beetle all day for sex and now they are both naked and Beetle is as limp as a rag doll. Surely no one would judge him for taking advantage of this opportunity. Zero looked up and saw a conveniently lowered vine, so Zero yanked it down and smiled almost devilishly. Zero's hard penis was running between Beetle's soft cheeks, and Zero pressed his entire body against Beetle and tied Beetle's hands against the tree.

"Oh, this is gonna be fun." Zero muttered as Beetle was now being held up by the tree.

Zero knew that gay people had anal sex, but he was still a little worried about hurting Beetle. So Zero spread Beetle's ass a bit and he slowly inserted a finger inside Beetle. Beetle's breath hitched softly, but he was still out cold. Zero thrusted his finger and he heard Beetle mewl softly, which turned Zero on even more. He wanted Beetle to make more noise, so Zero quickly thrusted a second finger in Beetle.

"Ah." Beetle grunted, But he was still asleep, which didn't surprise Zero, since Beetle could sleep through a 21-gun salute. But Beetle's soft little moans were getting a little louder, so Zero decided he would do one more finger before moving to the main event. Zero then plunged three fingers deep in Beetle's ass, and-

"Ah-ow!" Beetle said, finally up.

"Ow, whose back there?" Beetle couldn't really turn his head around since Zero tied him against the log, but he could still feel the fingers within him. Just as Beetle started to get use to Zero's fingers, Zero tugged them out, without warning and smiled at the high pitched noise Beetle made.

"Hey, come on buddy, whoever you are. Can't we just settle this like rational soldiers?" Beetle pleaded and Zero placed his throbbing erection against Beetle's tender hole.

"O-ok, what if I did your K.P. duties for a whole week?" Beetle offered and Zero grabbed Beetle's hips and started to push against him.

"A month?!" Beetle panicked and Zero started to get annoyed at not getting inside, so he decided to be more forceful.

"A ye-AR!" Beetle screamed as Zero finally managed to plunge balls deep inside Beetle.

"Ah, Ah, Aha." Beetle panted out and Zero groaned deeply at the tightness. Beetle's eyes watered and his ass pulsated with pain, and almost a little pleasure. Zero was consumed with lust and in that moment, he wanted to hear Beetle scream and moan at every thrust. And Beetle seemed to understand what his attacker wanted when the man squeezed Beetle's hips, making Beetle gulped.

Zero thrusted his entire length in Beetle mercilessly. Beetle screamed and cried and even hated himself for enjoying it a little. And then suddenly Zero's dick stabbed against something sensitive and Beetle felt himself surrender to pleasure. Zero quickly noticed and he found himself hitting that spot over and over again.

"OH! GOD! DON'T STOP!" Beetle shouted and Zero got harder just hearing these words. With this added stiffness he managed to hit Beetle's G-spot more accurately; which made a vicious circle of Beetle's moans stimulating Zero, and Zero hitting Beetle's G-spot harder.

"You feel so good, Beet." Zero grunted and Beetle blinked. This was the first words his attacker uttered, and Beetle knew them.

"Wait, are you- oh... I... I'm cumming!" Beetle shouted as he shot his load unto the tree. As Beetle came, he tightened so quickly that Zero couldn't help but climax himself. The odd thing that Beetle discovered was that as Zero filled him with cum, the hot, sticky liquid actually helped smooth some of the pain that he endured.

Zero pulled out of his friend and as he watched a concoction of blood and semen drip out of Beetle's red hole, Zero realized what he had done was wrong. Zero wanted Beetle to give himself and for them to enjoy each other. But instead Zero took it forcefully.

"Hey, are you gonna untie me now? My arms are a bit numb, and the tree gave me rug burn." Beetle asked and Zero sighed.

_Just more of me for him to reject._

Zero thought and wondered what he should do next. Hoping that it would give Beetle a small case of amnesia, Zero hit him over the head with a nearby rock. It knocked Beetle out almost instantly. Zero untied Beetle and threw him over his shoulder. He carried Beetle to a small patch of grass just off the trail, and he laid him down. Then Zero gathered some flowers and soft looking leaves to cover Beetle’s exposed genitals. After Beetle was decent, Zero rushes back to their sleeping barracks to grab some clothes. Zero was almost back to the forest when Beetle woke up. Beetle looked around and groan.

"Oh, my poor aching head." Beetle said as he sat up and then he hissed.

"Oh, my aching butt." Beetle said and he looked down and saw a bouquet of greenery in his lap.

"Huh, it's pretty, but where's my... oh yeah, my clothes are in the vacuum. Where am I now?" Beetle said looking around the odd scenery. Beetle got a little worried when he heard some rustling in the trees in front of him. But when Zero's body emerged in the clearing, Beetle took a breath to relax himself.

"Zero, are you trying to scare me?" Beetle said and Zero hugged Beetle's uniform to him.

"Beetle, you are awake." Zero muttered as he gently in hailed Beetle's faint scent.

"What, were you just gonna give me clothes and leave?" Beetle said and even though that was Zero's plan, he thought that he should play dumb since it worked for him.

"Aw, Beetle I can't grow on trees." Zero said with a smile as he handed Beetle his clothes.

"Forget it, Zero. You really are a nut or something." Beetle commented as he started to get dressed.

"Uh, sorry Beet." Zero said and Beetle froze at that last word.

"I'll head back to camp then; people are probably looking for us." Zero said and Beetle watched him leave in stunned silence. Waking up in the clearing made him feel as if that sexual experience was a vivid dream. But was Zero actually capable of tying him up and having his way with him.

With this thought in his mind, Beetle kept a close eye on Zero. But Zero actually did his best to avoid Beetle. Zero even went so far as to exchange jobs he liked to do because Beetle would have had to work with him.

This went on for five days. Zero's grief deepened, Beetle started to get mad at being avoided again, and Sarge was back to the barracks. Granted Sarge still has a cast on his leg and some bandages, but the hospital gave him some nice crutches to help him walk.

So imagine Sarge's surprise, along with everyone else, when after five days of being ignored, Beetle stomped up to Zero and slapped him across the face. Zero put a hand on his face and looked bewilderedly at Beetle. To the rest of the cabin it appeared that Beetle had gone mad.

"You! Argh, YOU!" Beetle was shaking with anger, and everyone in the cabin was hanging on Beetle's every movement. Silently they all wondered what transformed Beetle into such an aggressive character.

"Beet, I-"

Zero started, but Beetle slapped him again.

"Shut up!" He shouted as he slapped Zero. This time Rocky, who is known for being a tough guy stood up. He was sitting behind Zero, so Beetle noticed when Rocky stood up.

"Beetle relax. If you get any crazier then people will think you're me, and there is no way-"

"SIT DOWN!" Beetle ordered and Rocky obeyed like a champion blue blood.

Now some privates got worried, because anyone who got Rocky to follow orders deserves to be feared. Beetle turned back to Zero and pointed his hand at him, like true military style.

"You... YOU!... you know what you did." Beetle said and then without another word, Beetle exited the barracks and everyone turned their gaze to Zero. Their sudden attention made Zero blushed, and though everyone wanted to comfort Zero, Sarge was the first to speak.

"Zero, what happened? What did you do?" Sarge asked what seemed to be a very simple and obvious question, but Zero still didn't expect that to be asked. He slowly looked at all the faces in his company. Each expression being permanently burned into his fickle memory, and his breath pacing faster.

"I-I... I did..." Zero started and tears can't to Zero's eyes.

"Something Awful!" Zero cries and he ran out of the cabin with hot tears streaking down his face. A short, uncomfortable silence followed, then the good ol' New Yorker boy tried to break the tension with humor.

"Well, what do you know, the drip's can drip. Anyone wanna take bets on if he'll return with a sopping wet shirt?" Cosmo said and Sargent Snokle walked right up to him and punched him in the gut.

"Boy, this is no time for betting and jokes. I mean haven't you heard that song 'Letter's from Home' by John Michael Montgomery. He made that song for soldiers like us. And he says 'I hold it up and show my buddies, like we ain't scared and our boots ain't muddy, but no one'... I'll say that part for you privates again...

'NO ONE laughs 'cause there's ain't nothin' funny when a soldier cries, and I just wipe my eyes.' So perhaps you all should remember those words when someone on camp is emotional. Or even out in the civilian world." Sarge took a deep breath to calm himself, and he walked over to his bed.

"Kindness and compassion is an art that is in danger of dying on us. Look at our world and you'll see that it is filled with more selfish people then selfless ones. As soldiers we do protect a civilians right to be selfish and cruel and even hateful. When soldiers fought for their lives in Vietnam, they returned home to have hundreds of people spitting on our uniforms. And our job is to protect those who spit on us, because they don't know what we know. Perhaps if more people knew that knowledge we wouldn't feel the hate as often as we do. But if you think about it, we give our lives, not for the people who understand exactly what we are doing; but for those who spot on us. Why? So that they have more time to learn the kindness and compassion that they need to learn." Sarge said and even the wise Plato was being moved by Snorkle's words.

"We better get to sleep men, Reveille is only a few hours away." Sarge said and killer looked out the window.

"But what about Beetle and Zero?" He asked and Sarge glanced at him.

"Normally those two act like best friends or brothers, so maybe they need to have a blow out like this in order for them to get closer. Just let them fight it out and if they aren't back in the morning, we'll go look for them." Sarge said.

"Ain't that against protocol?" Rocky asked and Sarge shrugged.

"Men, go to bed." Sarge said, like a father putting his foot down. A couple of murmurs were heard, but otherwise they continued and completed their night routines.

After being stared down by the platoon, Zero went to the one place that always brought up his spirits, the laundry room. Zero stood at the bottom of the shoot and ironed a stalk of clothes left by the last shift... but it wasn't the same.

"This is the way we iron our clothes, iron our clothes, iron our clothes. This is the way we iron our clothes, here in Halftrack's army." Zero whispered melodically, and sadly.

"I had a feeling you would come here." Someone said and Zero saw Beetle walking up to him.

"Ah!" Zero said and he squatted down with his hands over his head, in fear of being slapped again.

"Oh, Zero if you don't stop that, then I'll kick you." Beetle said crossing his arms and Zero hesitantly stood up.

"Uh, hi Beetle." He said nervously and Beetle took a deep breath through his nose.

"You should know, Zero, that I smacked you across the face twice. I did that on purpose. One for what you did to me in the forest, and the second was purposely avoiding me for so long. Now I want you to put your hands down so that I can smack you one more time." Beetle instructed and Zero eventually lowered his hands by his side.

"What's the third one for?" Zero asked, though he knew he deserved any punishment Beetle wanted to give.

"I'll tell you after, alright? Now hold still." Beetle said raising a hand up.

Zero flinched and closed his eyes which honestly made Beetle smirk. Zero was expecting a slap across his face, but instead he felt Beetle grab his arms- and kissed him. Zero wasn't good at counting, but maybe five seconds later, the kiss ended and Zero stared at Beetle, confused.

"And the third smack is for actually doing a good job." Beetle said with a seductive smile and bit his lip.

"I thought you were mad about that." Zero said and Beetle shrugged.

"Well, it's not the first time a guy's been up my rabbit hole. And I was mad that you didn't ask me... um... but the more I think about that day, the more I realized how much I enjoyed myself." Beetle said and Zero relaxed and started breathing normally. How could he forget to breathe at a time like this.

"O-ok." Zero said and Beetle gently touched his chin and made Zero look at him.

"But never do that again, you hear me. Especially with someone else, because they will throw you in jail." Beetle said and Zero nodded.

"Well, I'm glad that you're not mad at me anymore." Zero said and Beetle held Zero's hands.

"It's going to be a little bit different now." Beetle said and he pulled Zero over to the wall.

"Is it?" Zero asked and Beetle nodded.

"Yeah, because now, every once in a while, we can play like grownups." Beetle said and Zero didn't quite understand, but then Beetle gave him another kiss and he got it.

"Really?" Zero said as they leaned against the wall together.

"Well, yeah, on those tough days where I haven't been with Bunny in a while, or you're too frustrated to handle. But I think once or twice a month should fix all that." Beetle suggested and Zero could feel Beetle's erection against him and his started to form.

"That sounds great Beet." Zero said and this time he kissed Beetle. They had a slow French kiss that they both enjoyed.

"Hm, why don't we celebrate and then head back to the barracks?" Beetle said and Zero smiled like his normal goofy self.

"Alright, Beet." Zero said and Beetle smiled devilishly.

"Good. Get on your hands and knees, Zero."


End file.
